I don’t want to miss you and remember how we used to be.

I don’t want to remember all the things we've done, where we've been or our stupid jokes. I don’t want to remember how you would act dumb just so I would laugh. I don’t want to tell people how my First (love) was with you and how you made me feel. I don’t want to think that you’re the most gorgeous guy I've ever seen and I love how other people disagree because I don’t want them to see how truly wonderful you are to me. You said things to make me feel better and you were always there just to listen to me. I don’t want to remember you putting my hair behind my ear because my bangs would always fall into my face and you wanted to look at my eyes. I don’t want those memories. I don’t want these feelings. I don’t care how mean you are to me. I care about how you used to be so sweet to me but how you’re not that anymore. I wish you meant nothing to me but instead you mean the world to me. I hate how I don’t really hate you at all. I just love you too much. That I give you every one of my damn emotions because that’s how you make me feel. Not just happy. You make me crazy that I can’t handle it. You know that one time when I said I don’t see you as another person? I still don’t. I still see you as part of me. And now that it seems like you’re leaving me. It feels like part of me just left me. That feeling where you feel so empty. Like somethings missing. It sucks. Soo much. You just left me with The half that’s bitter and sad. So I’m sorry for everything ok? It’s like fighting all the time and being crazy with each other.
I shouldn't make you and force you to stay just because I need you. I’m sorry.