sometimes its hard to let people who we love go ~
sometimes its hard not to cry when you're tired of being strong ~
sometimes its not okay to say "its fine"

breaking up, dumping people, letting everything go ~
its not that easy ~

sometime heart breaker never mean to break any heart but they think it should just to protect their beloved one.
people let it go because they know it will hurt other more in the future.
people loving people doesn't mean that you have to with them.
Those who appear to be very strong in heart are really weak and most susceptible.
Those who spend their time protecting others are the ones that really need someone to protect them.

I am heart broken , again ~
and again , it is me who break it.
I have to break all the promises ~
I have to make it bitter , all the sweet thing ~
and again ,
I need to learn to be alone.
I need to learn to move on.
I need to learn to forget.
I need to learn to let everything go .
such a pain .

admitting everything like a fool ~
that is truly me ~

am sorry babe ~
now or never ~
it wouldn't hurt much compared in the future.
I try to end this .
I don't want you to hurt more

the fear in LOVE

I am scared to love you

I am scared to fall for you

cause' when I start to love you

when I start to fall for you

I'll love you not a word can say

I'll fall hard for you 

and when I do

I am scared to lose you ...

I've lose so many great people in my life

I've lose so many people that I love 

but not you. 

it is okay to lose all those people.

but not you. 

I just don't want to lose you.

may be you will not be mine forever

but I haven't ready yet.

not now

not today

not tomorrow 

I prefer to hurt you than losing you,

I prefer to lose myself than not being with you. 

do you know how much I scared to lose you ?

maybe I'd fall hard for you

maybe I'd love you more than I should

but being with you is too awesome

I always wanted to be with your 

it just me , afraid of everything.

cause' one wrong step , I could lose you forever.

I am sorry if I hurt you so much ,

but I rather be than losing you. 

yes. I sounded like a selfish ~

but it is a pain to lose you in the wrong way.

I just don't want it to be happen. 

sorry 

for being selfish ='( 

FOREVER? forever?

FOREVER ? 

how many people in this world believe such a word ?

I know not me. 

FOREVER ?

is it really forever ? 

I don't think so. 

while I was blog walking , I saw this person say "I LOVE YOU FOREVER"

and I start to doubt . are they really gonna be forever ?

In my life , I don't use or apply FOREVER. 

I mean , wouldn't it hurt more when we keep saying forever while forever is nothing ?

best friend forever ? so what happen to my old friendship ? where did the "FOREVER" go ? 

I love you forever ? yeah ? you do ? so why did you leave me in the first place ? 

FOREVER. FOREVER. FOREVER. FOREVER. 

It hurt me now and then. 

It hurt damn so much. 

FOREVER ? 

Oh pleasee ~ 

does forever really exist ? 

not just by word but by all the feeling in the world. 

sometime, even in marriage , its hard to keep the FOREVER. 

what the use of FOREVER when we will be separated ? 

what the use of FOREVER when forever is nothing ? 

I don't understand at all... 

when all the world say FOREVER...

is forever really going to be FOREVER like it was say ?

or forever is just a word to say ?

or forever is really nothing ? 

I don't get it.... 

It hurt me when FOREVER is NOTHING

It hurt me when FOREVER is really USELESS

It hurt me when FOREVER is just a WORD 

It hurt me when FOREVER is equal to OVER. 

so why ? 

why do people love to use forever ?

why do people believe it when it got nothing to believe ?

why do people are brave enough to say so ?

why FOREVER ?

you sure know how to make me confused...

DEAR Parents..

1. Don't spoil me. I know quite well that I ought not to have all I ask for. I'm only testing you
2. Don't be afraid to be firm with me. I prefer it, it makes me feel secure.
3. Don't let me form bad habits. I have to rely o you to detect them in early stages. 
4. Don't make me feel smaller than I am. it only makes me behave stupidity "big"
5. Don't correct me in front of people if you can help. I'll take much more notice you talk quietly with me in private.
6. Don't make me feel that my mistakes are sins. it upset my sense of values.
7. Don't protect me from consequences. I need to learn the painful way sometimes.
8. Don't be too upset when I say " I HATE YOU" . Sometimes it isn't you I hate but your power to thwart me.
9. Don't take too much notice of my small ailments. Sometime they get me the attention I need.
10. Don't nag. If you do, I shall have to protect myself by appearing deaf.
11. Don't forget that I cannot explain myself as well as I should like. That is why I am not always accurate.
12. Don't put me off when I ask question. If you do, you will find that I stop asking and seek my information elsewhere.
13. Don't be inconsistent. That completely confuses me and makes me lose faith in you
14. Don't tell me my fears are silly. They are terribly real and you can do much to reassure me if you try to understand.
15. Don't ever suggest that you are perfect or infallible. It gives me too great a shock when I discover that you are neither.
16. Don't ever think that it is beneath your dignity to apologize to me. An honest apology makes me feel surprisingly warm towards you.
17. Don't forget that I love experimenting. I couldn't get along without it, so please put up with it.
18. Don't forget how quickly I am growing up. It must be very difficult for you to keep pace with me, but please do try.
19. Don't forget that I don't thrive without lots of love and understanding, but I don't need to tell you, do I ?
20. Please keep yourself fit and healthy. I need you.    

??

"oh wait. what had happen just now?"

"yeah. I'll be fine. just do what ever you want. its okay. go on" 

"no. its okay. don't worry."

"oh. you did that too?" *silent* "oh..okay. Its okay. I don't mind at all." 

: " crap! did I just say that?" 

grrrr..... I need someone to let this out . anyone ?

story about her (me)

You meet a guy, randomly start talking one day, he compliments you on everything he 

can: "you're beautiful" , "you're cute" etc.. He asks you about your past relationships, you 

tell him you've been hurt before; he says to you "I would never hurt you". You believed 

him. You tell him some funny life stories, he tells you his. He starts flirting and you start 

to think he's a really 

nice guy, you then flirt back. He asks for your number, you gave it to him straight away. 

Now, every morning he says good morning and tells you to have a good day and you two 

talk all night. The night conversations are ALWAYS the best. He always asks you if you're 

tired or if you want to go to sleep, but you say no and stay.. just to talk to him. Now, he 

wants to meet you, so you meet him and now that you have, you like him even more, you 

now get butterflies every time he talks to you. He then tells you he likes you. He asks you 

to be his girlfriend and you said yes. You feel like you're the happiest girl alive. It was all 

wonderful for a while, with all the 

passion and love, with all the "I'll never let you go" & "You'll always be the only one". 

Then one day he randomly stops talking to you and you are left wondering why. You know 

something has changed but you're confused, and you have no idea why. He stops putting 

effort in you and you become clingy and feel like a pest every time you even just text "hi" 

to him, you come to a conclusion that it's all your fault and he's mad at you for whatever 

you have done, so you ask him "Why don't you speak to me anymore? Have I done 

something wrong?" He just says 

"Sorry baby, I've been busy for my preparation here (KML)"

but he don't know that you know that he's busy texting with 

the girls name ermmmmm.. you just keep telling myself to 

keep calm 

until someone tell you about him and that girl..

so you let it go, but after days, after maybe weeks, he's still busy constantly. Every time you talk to him it becomes an argument, over the most stupidest things, you then stop putting the effort, thinking maybe he will change and become what he used to be. You just stop talking, weeks go by and you still haven't spoken. You then see he's in a relationship with some other girl.

He calls her "beautiful" and "pretty" exactly what he used to call you

. He's totally fine without you. He has already moved on and you're still mad, hurt, crying, jealous, and upset. You still hope that one day he will come back and everything will go to back how it was, but you know that will never happen, you now compare every other guy to him. He forgot about you a long time ago, and you still don't want to believe you got played, you're having a hard time letting go, but you have to. You need to realize that he doesn't care, and you could be missing out on someone who does..you can't move on.. memory keep calling me :3

dating with the BSMM girlfriends today^^

Photo box RM10

RM7

bye high school :'(

Today was my last day wearing school uniforms.
Now I'm officially out of high school,
I'm school-less now.
This situation happened five years ago,
Just that it's more emotional.
My last day in primary school was actually our graduation day.
So for today, sad < happy, because freedom is finally here. :DD
What will happen to us after today?
Will we still meet up and hang out?
Will we keep in touch or move on with our lives?

I remember when I just graduated from primary school,
We always have gatherings,
And what happens now is,
Everyone have their new gangs, new best friends, new hang-out buddies etc.
Lesser and lesser people attend our class gatherings,
Guess it's not that easy to really keep in touch with people you don't meet anymore.
BUT I STILL LOVE THEM. :D

Dear high school,

I hate you for so many reasons.

BUTT BUT!


It's still a place where many worth-keeping 

memories were created.
Form 1:
Foot drill practices,

Sports Day,

meet the best friends O'rejenal.

O' R-ick, E-rika,J-amaica,E-stherina,N-ick, A-stralinda,L-lawrie

                                                                                              Form 2:

PBSM camp

be the top 10 students in sem2 exam for form2 student,,

play the glitter with classmates

take picture wif the classmates and more 

friend passed away.. RIP (NELVIN)

being single.

Form 3:
Sports day,
PMR,

Explorace.

camping..

take picture.

result PMR - 3A4B 

Form 4:
Painted the class with classmates,
Messed up the class,
Clean up the class,
Slept during BM classES,
Escape class (for the 1st tyme)
take picture
fighthing with the best friends. hahha 

Form 5:
Starting to bring DSLR to school like a boss for school event purposes but actually took pictures in class with friends nyehehehe,
Co-curriculum days,
Independence Day celebrations,

being a group leader (BSMM)

SPM,
And now, officially graduated from high school.

I crapped so much today. -.-


I'll remember my high school memories,
Just like how I still remember my primary school's. :)



Can we keep in touch forever?

best friends.. tapi where's melda?

                                                  

its officially now!! jyeah! goodbye high school! FREEDOM ♥

I'm Gonna MIss my bsmm group :'(

last day^^

All students look forward to graduating college or graduate school for years. Sometimes graduation day doesn't bring the sense of relief students expected. Some students feel a let down. Did you? How did you feel after graduating college or graduate school)? Was it as good as you expected?or feel bad?

Hi..today's the last day of me being a smk tamparuli student...yup!! Believe it or not...TODAY WAS THE LAST DAY OF SCHOOL...haish...time flies super fast kan?? Kan??...so yeah..obviously..everybody..was so sad..coz its the last day....seniors cried..hugged..and all...urm..  And then I also realized it was my last day wearing my perfect school uniform :( ahhh sad la tis :'( As I said, emotionally exhausting and just so confusing and I guess this is what growing up feels like? When you feel like you’re taking up a heavier burden although you’re technically leaving something behind. Or maybe that’s just SPM. thank you, our beloved teachers, especially those who taught us in Form Five, and all of you..and finally all my Form Five friends for giving me such wonderful memories these five years and also a heavy heart as I begin to take the first step out of this school..

and now I keep thinking 'what next? where to now?'.. erghhh.. I'm definitely going to miss this school..I have been down in the dumps because I'm gonna leaving the school. It is crazy because toward the end I kept saying I can not wait to be done with school. Now I am done and I feel like I lost a friend. . :(

complicated...

Do you know what I mean when I say that sometimes I don’t have any feelings or emotion? I’m not in a good mood, or bad mood. Neutral.

Sometimes, I just sit there by myself and think. I think about the things that happened in the past, what will happen in the future, and what could have happened. I think about a certain person, I think about what’s wrong with me and what’s wrong in my life, I think about how I can get myself out of this stage, I think about why I got here in the first place.

Also, I feel alone. The soothing sound of the midnight air doesn't seem to keep me company anymore. I just miss the days when life was simple and things weren't so complicated. I guess all of these are just part of growing up.

Whatever. I’m going to sleep. goodnight. GOD BLESS!

S-I-N-G-L-E

Hello There! I just wanted to talk about something I've been seeing a lot on here. Every time I log on, I see a lot of people be sad, about how they are single, I’m not complaining, because I understand. I do the same too. I always think “Why can’t I have a relationship like that?” “Will I ever find the one?” “I want that”. And sure, being single can sometimes be a bit stressful seeing everyone around you have a boyfriend or girlfriend, and you,single. But just know, there is someone out there for you, as much as you hear it, and maybe you don’t want to hear all that “non sense”, but it’s true, there is someone wishing upon the stars, for a person like you. you will find that person one day, it may not be today, or tomorrow, or next week, or next year, but it will happen. And when it happens, you will realize, that all that wait, was totally worth it.,, 

thanks for being my super duper best friend! ♥

nahhh tis the picture yang u bagi link

 I love my best friend so much. he is always there for me, no matter what.  and I know we will always be best friend  he is the one person I can count on, and the one person I could talk to. he means the world to me. If I didn't know he, or I didn't have he in my life, then I don’t know where I’d be today. I love he dearly and I’m so blessed to have met he. he is one of the strongest people I know. I’ll always be here for you and we’ll always be best friend.

Our friendship is better than any relationship. We have a bond that God has made unbreakable. Thank you for being my best friend in the whole world, thank you for making me smile like no one else could.

Thank you for being apart of my life.

Thank you for accepting me as I am.

Thank you for being my rock.

Most of all, thank you being my bestie.

You are my best friend for a reason.  I can always count on you and i know you will never ever stab me in the back. We lost each other for a little while but i never really stopped talking to you and i didn't want to. You were there for me when no one else was. I thank you today for everything you did for me!! You made me laugh when i wanted to cry. You were there when i fell… even tho it was your fault i fell.. :) I know that i can always count on you and you can always count on me! You are my best friend for a reason and that reason is because you are great :D  thanks mr.Lipas :)