mr.stranger

someone asked me to post something about him.. and yeah here is it.. btw sorry kinda late post about you because you know that I forgot my google email and I can't login my account.. okay lets start. hurmmm how to start ahh . hahaha ermm I got a nickname for him. we just call him mr.s :) I don't want to mention his name here.. he is 18 years old too. and the question is how we meet? or how can we know each other? and the answer is its all about WeChat..kinda funny right? he added me and me pun viewed lar his moments and I just think like okay handsome so accept la. hahahha then after a few minutes after I clicked the accept button then he chat with me.
mr.s: hi, thanks accept me..
me: ohh okay!
 then after that bla bla blaaa chat n chat.. after a few days later we exchange num phone then no more WeChat now Whatsapp already, lol
sorry I don't have his picture to post here.. then our first time meet each other is yesterday. he joined the IPCF welcoming party for senior and junior at kubah.. (inter poly christian fellowship) and yes its kinda awkward there. HAHA before this we only chatting . anddd again its more awkward when we are at same group. group 3 :/ but at last okay jugala. heee then after that in the evening he ask me about first aid kit. kinda pity on him coz his knee hurt. then again we meet for the second time at cafe. I gave him plaster. thats all lar too long already my post about him..

Life's in POLIKU

room. 1st day..

hi all!! its december baby,, so it's meant that christmas is just around the corner.. btw now i'm studying at polytechnic kuching, sarawak. it's been two weeks i'm here.. 24 november was my first day here.. I just can't believe that I can go far away from my family. HAHA I'm still daddy's little girl and its so hard for me to stay far away from my family.. all I can says is I MISS MY FAMILY badly. my first week at here was so worst. every night i'm crying because of homesick.. and one I still can't believe that I can live at hostel and do all the things by my own such as washing my shirt and so on...

 now I want to tell you all about my roommate..

roommate

  oya, my roommate is a girl from miri, sarawak. her name is ROWENA LUCY :) she is too nice and talkative just like me. hahaha and the most important thing is she love to taking picture just like me :)) her race is kayan.

then, i got many friends here, boleh katakan jadi bestie sudah. :D
this is my new friends here.. yes we're 1 Malaysia. Mitchell poniey- iban, rowena lucy-kayan, grace-iban,  jidos- iban..
and I'm the only one sabahan :)

 
 

hey!I'm Backkkk!!

I haven't blogged in over a month. All I can say is it was a crazy, wonderful, terrifying, busy, a filled with so much love and more blessings than I ever thought that I deserved. so until now I'm still single babyy.. am I forever alone? all I can say is I feel alone, sometimes... I learn to let go then you catch me again. Its like we're playing tag and I can never run far enough away.. it's true, when they say memories haunt you, they're not lying.. the memories keep bringing me back..

I hate forcing myself to let go of a person that I want in my life.. it is the only thing that makes sense but at the same time, its the same thing that complicates me. I know I am better off without that person yet I feel empty whenever I try to let go. so now I wanna ask, is emptiness better than pain?

confession 1: I still love you.stupid!

My First Strength

Ok.. I was broken-hearted and it was soo terrible.. I was crying everynight and even everytime I remember people that I totally love.. Life extremely changed to be hard, soo hard..

This was my first healing section. My friend, who knew that I suffered from broken heart, asked me to watch the video on Youtube. I watched it and I was touched with the lyric..

Someday - Nina

Someday you’ll gonna realize

One day you’ll see this through my eyes

But then i won’t even be there

I’ll be happy somewhere

Even if i can’t

I know

You don’t really see my worth

You think your the last guy on earth

Well I’ve got news for you

I know I’m not that strong

But it won’t take long

Won’t take long

Chorus

 Coz someday, someone’s gonna love me

The way, i wanted you to need me

Someday, someone’s gonna take your place

One day I’ll forget about you

You’ll see, i won’t even miss you

Someday, someday

But now

I know you can’t tell

I’m down,and I’m not do anyway

But one day these tears

They will all run dry

I won’t have to cry

Sweet goodbye

Chorus

 Coz someday, someone’s gonna love me

The way, i wanted you to need me

Someday, someone’s gonna take your place

One day I’ll forget about you

You’ll see, i won’t even miss you

Someday, someday

I was still crying after hearing this song. Broken heart is not as easy as hearing  a song and then becoming strong forever. It doesn’t make the pain goes away directly, yes. But the song makes me stronger! because it tells about hope, that SOMEDAY, there will be someone for us, who is better and love us, and need us.. I am on my way to prove that the lyric is true ^_^

MISS forever alone? am I?

Lately, my friends have been getting a boyfriend, or at least someone special in their lives they consider as a crush. Then there’s lil’ ol’ me, Miss Forever Alone. I don’t even know why I’m writing this post right now when I’ve told myself that I shouldn’t have a crush or something remotely close to a boyfriend until I finish study at least. But I’ve been hoping that you come to me soon. Because to be honest, I’ve been waiting for you my entire life. I have been single for 9months after im broke up with someone that I really really really LOVE . 

I guess I should clarify that when I write boyfriend, I also mean best friend.  I don’t want to be yours just for the sake of being able to say I belong to someone. Everyone starts of as friends at first. There’s a reason I’ve been waiting for you..you aren’t going to be just a phase or a crush.  I’m too careful with my heart to let that happen. Please don’t get frustrated at me if it takes me a while to tell you things that I usually bury deep inside of myself.  I’m just not used to being able to trust someone so completely.  

I’d be shocked if I were to ever call you mine. I know all the girls want you, and who wouldn’t? You’re smart, funny, not to mention handsome. You have everything I like in a guy ;)  We’re complete opposites, but we have a ton of stuff in common. Yeah, I’m that outgoing, bubbly chick always talking and you’re that quiet, mysterious guy (which I totally love about you).

I just want you to know that I’ve waited so long to find you to hangout with me,I want to forget about time, forget about worries, I want to have pictures of us together.  I want to look into your eyes and see a future that brings me peace.  To find the easy silence, the peaceful quiet. I want you  to hold my hand . I want you to watch love story movies with me. I won’t be the girlfriend who makes you pay for everything, I won’t expect you to be the perfect guy that does everything right. You don’t have to be Prince Charming.

I’m not very pretty, I hope that doesn’t bother you. Oh, and by the way, I’m a hopeless romantic. So, you’re gonna have to be a bit sappy if you want to impress me. Also, I can read people, so don’t even try to hide anything from me. It’s pointless. It may seem like the things in my life don’t affect me, but they do. You can never tell me that I’m beautiful too many times, and don’t say I love you right away, because I may not believe it. I love to have excuses to dress up. Never be afraid to show affection, even in public, if I do get uncomfortable I will tell you. I understand that people get into fights but please, just don’t hurt me. I've had it enough in my short life. 

I may be moody, and not know how to explain why I’m upset at times. There are periods of time when I’m too depressed, and I can be hyperactive. You’re going to be so annoyed at me and will probably be cursing yourself for ever deciding to date me. I’m immature, too opinionated and I cry over sappy movies. But I promise I’ll care for you, and love you for you. All I want is to hold your hand and be there for you when you need me. I also want to bake you cookies when you’re having a rough day. Let me be your shoulder to lean on..

I know you’ll be sweet and kind to me, and when we fight I’ll back away for a bit longer than most people, but I promise I’ll stay.

I’m not the perfect girlfriend, but I’ll try my 

hardest for you.

Love me for me, and please be true.

For us to last, you can’t be my whole life, but I want you to be the best part of it.  I don’t want a certain romance, a certain setting.  All I need is a heart that is kind and open to what I want to give it. Because that’s just how my personality works. All I need is love, and all I've ever wanted is you.

To be completely honest I don’t know what I want. I’m really indecisive. I will most likely try and push you away because that’s how I try to keep people from hurting me. I can’t promise that loving me will be easy, but I’m hoping that you stick it out. I know that I may seem so tough but really I am one of the most sensitive people you will ever meet. When I love someone I love them with everything I have. I won’t give into peer pressure, so please don’t try and pressure me into situations.

I know that you’re somewhere out there waiting for me the same way I am here waiting for you. I will wait for you as long as it takes because I know that you are perfect for me. i'm waiting for you mr. RIGHT :)

VALENTINE'S day(HAPPY FOREVER ALONE DAY!)

ohhh so its valentine day today? okay all I can say is I feel pathetic because I'm single :/
My Valentines day may have been not so great, but one thing is for sure is that I realized I love myself. Being alone for this day isn’t all that bad because it just showed me that I honestly have to accept that you’ll be alone sometimes. And being alone, you tend to learn a lot about yourself. Instead of losing yourself for someone else, you just focus on you mainly. Although the day may be a reminder of why you’re single, why that one guy/girl dumped you, or an old love. It still can have a positive outcome. I realized today that I love myself. And in order to love someone else, you have to learn to love yourself. For all your flaws, for all your past experiences, hurts, etc. Knowing that you’re fine, you’re a good catch, that you are just the most amazing person ever without the assumed cocky attitude. And then, you can say “I am ready for love.” So for all you single people who were crying, feeling bad, sad, depressed, “life sucks”,“i’m flying s0lo”, etc. Remember to take this time or anytime to reflect on your life & that you don’t need anyone to complete you, and that love will come. May not be on your time, but sooner or later, you’ll see it, you’ll feel it, and you’ll fall in it. Just like the saying goes, “You never know.” :)

Dear girls,

“Date a guy who waits. Date that someone who has the patience to be with you no matter how long it takes for you to make a decision to give that yes to his proposal. He can never let you go and will do whatever it takes just to have a stable and healthy relationship with you.

He is someone who has determination that makes him standout among the rest of the crowd. He believes that patience is an important virtue.

Find the guy who is willing to wait. That person who knows the value of time and uses time wisely. You can never go wrong with a guy who knows time management and someone who knows how to set his priorities in life.

Date that person who understands your decision on when you’re ready to get married, to have kids or to be able to make major decisions about your life. He doesn’t disregard time in the relationship.

He is a guy who doesn’t rush things. He takes the baby steps but he is sure of what road to take and how will he take his journey on that road. He believes that what is supposed to happen, will happen in the right place and in the right time.”

all I want is

To know how it feels to be in someone’s arms again. I want to know how it feels to 

have someone’s lips against mine again. I want to know how it feels to be held 

tightly again. I want to know how it feels to be in love again. I want to know how it 

feels to be important to someone again. I want to know how it feels to be loved 

again. I want to know how it feels to be told ‘I love you’ again. Oh, how I miss 

having those great feelings..

When you love someone you do everything for him/her 

with love and it shows how sincere you are. That’s why 

everything you do is to make him/her happy so it will 

not cause something to hurt him/her. Maybe sometimes 

you will encounter some wrong decision but remember. 

When a person love someone it may have wrong ways 

but it never be forever because love is never be wrong 

it always true and lovely.love keeps no record of 

wrongs. Maybe love is not in a perfect situation. but 

being inlove with somebody is not a question. 

Everyone is freely to be loved and be inlove <3

Life after SPM :)

Finally I got something to write!
Hello readers! I'm back again, well nothing much thou I'm just trying to make my blog looks better by updating everyday (if possible) Hahaha! *evil smile* So... At this time, usually I'm already lying on my bed and ready to sleep. But nowadays, wait I mean the day before SPM starts. Those days I always stay at home and never go school right, yeah I can say that almost everyday I sleep late -.- So as you guys can see my dark circles is very dark & my eye bags is very heavy. What to do, I can't sleep that early anymore. I just can't sleep before 12am omg I must be crazy. D: 
So as you guys can see, this post is mostly about my life after SPM. To be honest, there's no difference between the life before SPM lah. It's still the same, rot at home everyday. Actually I wanted to go and look for some part-time job and actually I already found one but... The salary is too low and it's too far for my dad -_- He said too far already nobody can take care of me. OMGGGGG. You know how is the feel of rotting at home everyday?! You know how lifeless am I?! You know how bored am I?! You know I'm like talking to the wall everyday -_-; My gosh.No work = no money. Sit at home no income one leh hello! Alamamak!
And this is my current life? Life after SPM is even more bored you know... Haih. and now i'am busy with my driving lesson :) I got L alreadyy.. can't wait for the JPJ test and I hope I will past the test n got the P license :)

Happy birthday my dear superman!!

happy birthday daddy! Thank you for EVERYTHING, dad! I pray to God every single day to grant you the strong faith & strength in life.. I’ll always be your little girls.~ I love you so much daddy! ❤ me n my sibling made a surprise for daddy in the early morning today before daddy go to work. and he like O.o? OMG .hahaha. kinda funny.lol God bless you daddy! :))

let's talk about my crush :D

Here’s the story of me and my crush.
As all my followers are more like me besties, ‘cause they understand me a lot better than my real life friends, you all should know about my darling little crush :)

I might be single but I have a Crush. ♥ 

I’m starting to get a crush on this guy and I DON’T WANT TO. 

I know I’m going to end up disappointed and hurt. AND OMG I HATE FEELING LIKE THIS.

I've fallen for this Completely amazing man. He's smart, funny, handsome, and so extremely talented and the most important things is he's kinda annoying like me also and he's always be there when i'm down. hahaha! We talk almost every single day, and just hearing the sound of his message popping up on the screen to say hello brightens even my hardest,most awful days.Every day,I learn more about him and it makes me realize how alike we are, but It's also our differences I truly enjoy. The problem is, I don't know if he's interested in me romantically. Either way, I'm just so happy that I am able to know him.

ohhhh god i'm kinda in love with him :/  I've never been this close to anyone. asdfsfgaahk :/  but the truth is I still can't forget my ex. lol too bad.  never mind lets focus to my new crush :D I don't want to mention his name here. kinda annoying if I mention his name here.hahaha but his religion make me thinks twice -,-' I already told my girlfriend at school before about him and their said 'go lar tell him u like him' ahhh I don't want lar..lol will u imagine your super duper best friend being your SUPERMAN? I mean special boyfriend.  He always be there when i'm sad... but sadly he also have a new crush.. ohhh I'm jealous you know.. andd yaa my handphone themes is his face.lol but i don't think to be his SPECIAL girlfriend. I just want to be his super duper best friend because i'm still waiting for someone and its not him..  ONE OF THE WORST THINGS THAT CAN HAPPEN TO YOU IS TO FIND OUT THAT MANY PEOPLE HAS A CRUSH ON YOUR CRUSH!  
and he always hit my "LIKE" button on my fb account and I like

Then when my crush is somewhere near me......

While he is still there : “K . I don’t care”

When he’s already gone : “OH YEAH! IT’S TIME TO BE 

CRAZYYYY~”

LOL, I think you all pun like this ba kan .HAHHAHA

Let's make 2013 special!

Welcome 2013! :D Thank you God for giving me another year to live. It’s probably late but I’m still gonna do this anyway.

Forget new year’s resolutions. I would like to call this my new year’s wishes because first of all a resolutions is a goal. A goal is something that involves commitment. Commitment is making a promise. And I myself certainly does not approve of keeping a lot of promises for the doubt that they may get broken along the way as I may eventually give them lesser attention.

So here are my 2013 wishes:

1. To blog more often but spend lesser time on the internet (especially in demoralizing social-networking sites) to do something more productive and creative.
2. To keep a jar that is filled with all happy things that happened to me this 2013 written on small pieces of paper. 
3. To keep in touch with my athletic side. I want to learn a new sport (or make myself better at sports because I officially suck at it) and I want to exercise more often. 
4. To pay less attention on negativity. I need to be more optimistic and I need to remove my stressed.
5. To discover more of my possible talents and abilities. :)
6. To take more pictures.
7. To travel more often.
8. To get enough sleep everyday. Preferably at least 8 hours and a half.
9. being single in this year
10. To take down notes during Bible study sessions. :)
11. Not to let myself get attached that much but I still need to do something with my human interaction skills (hello, I’m awkward). 
12. To let go of the past. I need to face the truth—I’m not his anymore neither is he mine. I need to get less attached with him so he won’t be able to hurt me anymore. I must not waste time by thinking about him and feeling down just because it feels like he’s ignoring me. Well that’s probably because he doesn't care anymore and he is already happy without me. I shouldn't miss the people who don’t care about me anymore, right? 
13. To make new awesome and good memories worth writing down and reminiscing. ♥
14. make mum and dad proud of me.
15. get driving license (otw)lol
16. Do something with my life 
17. get my dream body :D
18. never get sick
19. be happy
20. stay strong
21. travel somewhere new
22. Ignore the bullshit
23. Help who needs and let people help you too
24. Study more! It sucks but it’s your future
25. And the most important, LOVE.

But don’t forget: To love someone you need to love yourself first!
Cheers to another year of 365 days. I may not know what will happen and I wonder what possibly could but I know that I have to make the most out of it. I must try not to commit the same mistakes but instead learn from the old ones in 2012 and apply them this year. Most importantly, in all circumstances, in whatever trials I am put to test, I have to remember to always get a grip of the pieces of myself together and learn to stand resiliently and just trust God.

its a new year. move on and free yourself from the memories, forget that asshole who broke you. remember that there’s someone out there somewhere, waiting to fix you. give them the chance to show you that they’re different. ok. ♥

end. :)

2013- I CHOOSE TO MOVE ON

I’m done trying to fix something that clearly went wrong a long time ago.
I’m sorry you had to give up on me.
I’m done crying for this.
I’m done caring.
I’m sorry we’re not strong enough to keep on going.
You meant everything to me and you gave up.
Thanks for every little thing you ever did for me.
Thanks for all the times you were there.
Thanks for making me smile when everything’s going downhill.
I’m sorry I lost someone like you.
I’m sorry I made you feel like you couldn't save me.
I’m sorry if I came off too strong.
I love you, I always will, you’ll always be my best friend, you’ll always know me better than anyone.
Most of all I’m sorry for making you give up on me.
But thanks, thanks for being my superman.
I’m sorry we have to say goodbye~

I know i won’t be alone, for my

friends and family will always be there for me. 

I thank god for everything. For giving me wonderful friends that i can count 

on. :)

Maybe i just haven’t met the right one for me. All i gotta do is waiting for the 

right guy to step into my life :)

Now I choose to move on.. goodbye,, & if its meant to be then it will be.. just wait :)

GOODBYE MR.ALLAN CYRIL. I have to let you go now....

I don’t want to miss you and remember how we used to be.

I don’t want to remember all the things we've done, where we've been or our stupid jokes. I don’t want to remember how you would act dumb just so I would laugh. I don’t want to tell people how my First (love) was with you and how you made me feel. I don’t want to think that you’re the most gorgeous guy I've ever seen and I love how other people disagree because I don’t want them to see how truly wonderful you are to me. You said things to make me feel better and you were always there just to listen to me. I don’t want to remember you putting my hair behind my ear because my bangs would always fall into my face and you wanted to look at my eyes. I don’t want those memories. I don’t want these feelings. I don’t care how mean you are to me. I care about how you used to be so sweet to me but how you’re not that anymore. I wish you meant nothing to me but instead you mean the world to me. I hate how I don’t really hate you at all. I just love you too much. That I give you every one of my damn emotions because that’s how you make me feel. Not just happy. You make me crazy that I can’t handle it. You know that one time when I said I don’t see you as another person? I still don’t. I still see you as part of me. And now that it seems like you’re leaving me. It feels like part of me just left me. That feeling where you feel so empty. Like somethings missing. It sucks. Soo much. You just left me with The half that’s bitter and sad. So I’m sorry for everything ok? It’s like fighting all the time and being crazy with each other.
I shouldn't make you and force you to stay just because I need you. I’m sorry.

2012 story :)

2012 is already end and I decided to create a post about what already happened to me in 2012 so here it is:

JANUARY

• I had been selected to be chairman of the International Committee of the Red Cross, at my school..
• daddy birthday party..

FEBRUARY

• for the first time I organized a camping Renewal red crescent societies at my school
• celebrate valentine days with him (ex boyfriend)

MARCH

• Hiking
• His birthday. celebrated his birthday.

APRIL

• nothing happened

MAY

• Celebrated Mother’s Day

JUNE

• My worst birthday ever. sweet 17.
• not eat for four days because I was disappointed with him.. kinda funny.

JULY

• still in a broken hearted mood
• start missing him 
• began to close with his ​​sister (avon n audrey)

AUGUST

• still not in mood
• still missing him

SEPTEMBER

• nothing happen

OCTOBER

• nothing happen

NOVEMBER

• SPM!
• missing him
• began to close with his family
• class party

DECEMBER 

• A day with my friends♥
• Finished 'SPM'
• Christmas Party 
• Survived the end of the world
• Christmas with my family
• praktikal for bsmm

2013- eighteen years old :))

I don’t know if it’s complete but this will do. Thank you 2012! You were amazing to me! I will never forget you. And for 2013, I hope you’ll be a better year for me :)Thanks god for everything happened in my life you made me a stronger person.. :)

Dear 2012,

There were many ups and downs. Friends lost and gained. Studies hiccup and delayed success. Convictions betrayed, and constantly putting myself in situations that aren’t good for me. But then, slowly they became less frequent. Mistakes made, love found. I made some difficult choices and ended up hurting some people. I am sorry for that. But I believe if someone’s no longer in your life, it’s for a reason. And I learned that I neither have the power nor will to please everyone around me. Sometimes, you have to put yourself above others. Some people in my life are toxic, sometimes I’m the toxic. Sometimes, I treated people poorly. And there are people whose feelings I had taken for granted. I focused too much on whether or not someone is hurting me, when in reality I might actually be the one who’s hurting someone. After those setbacks, whoever’s left, they’re the ones that matter. But thank you for giving me the opportunity to learn life’s most important aspects; friendship, love, happiness and being true to yourself.

You made me cry, you made me laugh, but it’s time to 

move on :)